Devoid of a reason to smile for about seven or so months now, I guess it really started some time in the last quarter of last year. Being conscripted in the beginning of the year had already taken quite a bit out of me, but its just the changes towards the end of the year that took everything away. The changes that left me alone and lost, lost and alone.

"Its not about what you left behind, its what you gain in the future." In the past 18 months, I have left so much behind, but what I have gained are really the things I do not mind leaving behind. I guess the line would be more appropriately posted at the exit of the room where people reacquire their pink cards and freedom, at the end of this journey, rather than the beginning.

I often miss what I was, long for what I could have been and wonder what I have become.

Then again, I shudder at the thought that how this is but an excuse to cover up the true reasons for this state of mind. Would I really be better off after I leave this place, or are the things I lost gone for good? Perhaps the frequent injustice and sufferings just represent salt on the wound.

I am really tired.